One day there a great leader called Nicholas TSAR OF ALL THE RUSSIAS. Far far away from our leader of Russia on Earth, on a planet called Rasha was a great civilization with inhabitants called the Zarrs. They were feared by the entire galaxy. The Zarrs had seen this puny earthling calling himself the ‘Zarr of all the Russias’. The leader was furious so he had sent out his spaceship and set out for earth.
Meanwhile on earth the Tsar Nicholas of all the Russias, let’s just call him TNOATR for short (but I kinda like his full title) was kissing his gold and favorite pair of shoes goodnight when he saw a star. It was red.
“Looks like an angry star,” said TNOATR, “it looks like it’s angry at me for some reason. Let’s call it something which is usually angry. Well, I don’t like getting the blister beetle spit on my warts, but spit sounds bad for my campaign so I will call it ‘juice’ because everyone likes juice so ‘beetle juice’.”
You have probably been wondering what was happening with the aliens, but we wont go back to them yet so too bad if you feel like I have been mean then stop reading this because that is how the book goes so — wait a sec, I’m running out of time on this cruise ship before the piranha poodles board the ship.
Back to the aliens. Basically, they have been searching for a place to sleep and found a nice home where a guy named Josef Stalin lived, but they needed to get in so they took a hammer and sickle to break in. The noise awoke Stalin he thought he had a vision. He heard voices saying “That annoying Tsar! We used the hammer and sickle, maybe we could use them for weapons to go with our disguises.”
Stalin fell asleep then, he did not hear the rest.
“I don’t think I can hide one in mine well. Disguising one of our space ships as a boat was bad enough. Hey, what if we make an opera? That would be fun! Let’s fly up for a bit to the nearest Star Bucks.”
“All right, but that will take a day or two by earth time.”
A few days later they came back to earth. Seeing that the tsar was fighting that guy they saw when they broke in to his house they fired at the tsar and the tsar had no chance. Just when a gunshot was about to hit the tsar the invisible lasers hit the tsar and he died.
Well, bye. The end. Wait! Is that a piranha poodle? Oh well it’s better then the time when my house got attacked by ninja gerbils. I must go now.
THE END (for real this time)